Microscopic universe
ok that’s freakin incredible
free them
Funny Story
So my 7th grade biology teacher was a little kooky. He liked to make a bunch of different little tiny jokes and get us in tune with the class.
He also always drank coffee all the time, and his coffee stirrer was some sort of bone, but whenever someone asked him what bone it was he would always answer with “You’ll all learn eventually” and then changed the subject.
The end of the year rolled around and our last couple of lessons were the sex ed unit. My middle school was pretty liberal but it is still Texas and there are some laws about sex ed in place that make it a short unit. Anyway, we went over male genitalia and he was talking about how penis-havers don’t have any bones in their penises, but there are some animals that do, including the raccoon. He then held up his coffee stirrer to show the class what a raccoon penis bone looked like. Let me repeat, he had been stirring his coffee with a raccoon penis bone all year and didn’t tell anyone.
Funny story
Freshman year of high school. I’m the kid who went on the bus and was edgy af. So here I am, running late and asking my mom to take me to the bus stop because I’m a slow fucker who wouldn’t run even if the world was ending or a murderer was after me.
As she drops me off, my friends are already there and they watch my car pull up. I tell my mom the usual ‘love you bye’ and get out of the car. I think I’m safe.
As I begin chatting with my pals, my mom does a fucking U-Turn and pulls down the window of the car, flips me and my friends off and yells “BYE BITCHES” and drives off.
My friend looks at me and he asks, “dude was that your sister.”
I wince and reply, “that was my mom.”
“What the fuck?????”
“Don’t ever bring this up.”
And guess what? She did the same thing for sophomore and junior year. Why mom. Why. My friends don’t let me live this down.
I make my husband a sandwich everyday for work. Once, I jokingly kissed it to show him that I made it “with love.” But then for some reason it stuck, and that just became the habit. Make sandwich, give it a little smooch, put into baggie. Except when I’m mad at him. Then that sandwich isn’t made with love. It gets no kiss. Yeah, enjoy that sandwich, jerkface. I hope it tastes like despair.